maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
