All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
