Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
