Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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