I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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