Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
organizing the empties. That sober.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
