he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
