It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
