I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize