i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
