Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize