stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Text me some of your sweat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
