The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
did i walk over a car last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
