You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Come see our sink grown plant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
