...so i touched it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
