five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just googled if crying burns calories
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
