my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize