I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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