Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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