Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
