I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
