Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
