you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
