He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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