i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The best revenge is premature balding
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
