i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
