just come out here and I will go home with you...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
