My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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