my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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