he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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