there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
