he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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