and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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