just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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