if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
