you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize