i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
