I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
