My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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