We're facebook friends in real life
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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