I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
