Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
