did you get engaged???
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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