Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I touched a dick in church today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
