I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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