im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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