Welp...herpes.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
