You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
