i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
