wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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