so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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