The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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