when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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