I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
