Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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