I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
