Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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