I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
