and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
