We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
