my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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