You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
another moral hangover. fuck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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