I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
