whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize