UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
