I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
