did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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