Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
