I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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