I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone shit on the floor
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
