just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
